Presently, there are six women at our church that are pregnant (one of which just had a little boy over the weekend!) and three of my friends had little boys in the last 4 months! Babies are everywhere…
The good news for people like me, that are either due in the middle or at the end of the of all the baby activity, is that we get hand-me-downs! Awesome hand-me-downs to be exact. We have more baby clothes than we really know what to do with! One of my friends is finding out the gender of her first baby this week and I’m secretly hoping its a boy so that I can give her all our stuff!
Along with the clothes, diapers, swaddle blankets and cribs, come the advice and stories. I am the kind of person that doesn’t get overwhelmed when I hear of someone else’s birth/breastfeeding/parenting story. In fact, I welcome it and love hearing how each woman experienced something different. My friend, Rebekah, came over for a visit with her little 3 month year old guy and I immediately fell in love with him. He has a ton of black hair, olive skin and beautiful big black eyes. His momma, however, is very white with light blue eyes. She said that people ask her all the time, “Who’s adorable baby is that?!” My guess is that our son will have very pale skin, crazy-curly-white blonde hair and light blue eyes (not to mention bad teeth when he reaches high school….). I can’t wait to meet him for the first time and see what God is designing. As Rebekah shared her birthing story with me, she said something very humbly. “Every birthing story is personal. There is none completely alike.”
The other night I had a “tiny” meltdown with Noah. I have been feeling pretty peaceful about everything leading up to birth and have accepted anything that could happen. We have a birthing plan but we are pretty laid back people and are open to anything. Noah thought I was overwhelmed with the labor part but the more we talked, I realized that it really had nothing to do with the labor or even the transition of bringing baby home. I was more overwhelmed with the realization that I’m not completely in love with my baby yet. Don’t get me wrong…I’m so excited to have him, hold him, teach him and know him…but it hasn’t happened yet. I feel like I have worked the last nine months in order to get as prepared for the labor part as I can be but that’s not the end goal. After I cross the labor finishing line, I am given a real live baby to take home and that finishing line doesn’t end.
I know so many women who talk to their bellies, have already felt super connected with their baby, go all out with baby rooms and talk about nothing but their baby. For those women, that’s great. I, on the other hand, have not experienced that “deep connection” with my baby and at first, this really scared me. My husband is an amazing listener and gives such godly advice. He has walked through this whole thing with me (like every husband should!) but with prayer and strength that I didn’t even know existed in him. He prayed over me and encouraged me. Since then, I can feel God slowly shaping my heart in order to be filled with love for this little guy I haven’t met yet. Again, I’m being reminded that God is so involved in this whole process and probably more importantly, that I can completely trust Him with my fears and my heart.
We see the midwife Wednesday morning (!) and will know a little more about how close I am to actually going into labor. This morning I had some back pain as well as slight contacting so who knows….maybe my next post will be of a picture of a very handsome little baby boy.