Baby · Contentment · Friends · Life Updates · Noah · Salt Lake City

Every Story Is Different

Presently, there are six women at our church that are pregnant (one of which just had a little boy over the weekend!) and three of my friends had little boys in the last 4 months!  Babies are everywhere…

The good news for people like me, that  are either due in the middle or at the end of the of all the baby activity, is that we get hand-me-downs!  Awesome hand-me-downs to be exact.  We have more baby clothes than we really know what to do with!  One of my friends is finding out the gender of her first baby this week and I’m secretly hoping its a boy so that I can give her all our stuff!

Along with the clothes, diapers, swaddle blankets and cribs, come the advice and stories.   I am the kind of person that doesn’t get overwhelmed when I hear of someone else’s birth/breastfeeding/parenting story.  In fact, I welcome it and love hearing how each woman experienced something different.  My friend, Rebekah, came over for a visit with her little 3 month year old guy and I immediately fell in love with him.  He has a ton of black hair, olive skin and beautiful big black eyes.  His momma, however, is very white with light blue eyes.  She said that people ask her all the time, “Who’s adorable baby is that?!”  My guess is that our son will have very pale skin, crazy-curly-white blonde hair and light blue eyes (not to mention bad teeth when he reaches high school….).  I can’t wait to meet him for the first time and see what God is designing.  As Rebekah shared her birthing story with me, she said something very humbly.  “Every birthing story is personal.  There is none completely alike.”

The other night I had a “tiny” meltdown with Noah.  I have been feeling pretty peaceful about everything leading up to birth and have accepted anything that could happen.  We have a birthing plan but we are pretty laid back people and are open to anything.  Noah thought I was overwhelmed with the labor part but the more we talked, I realized that it really had nothing to do with the labor or even the transition of bringing baby home.  I was more overwhelmed with the realization that I’m not completely in love with my baby yet.  Don’t get me wrong…I’m so excited to have him, hold him, teach him and know him…but it hasn’t happened yet.  I feel like I have worked the last nine months in order to get as prepared for the labor part as I can be but that’s not the end goal.  After I cross the labor finishing line, I am given a real live baby to take  home and that finishing line doesn’t end.

I know so many women who talk to their bellies, have already felt super connected with their baby, go all out with baby rooms and  talk about nothing but their baby.  For those women, that’s great.  I, on the other hand, have not experienced  that “deep connection” with my baby and at first, this really scared me.  My husband is an amazing listener and gives such godly advice.  He has walked through this whole thing with me (like every husband should!) but with prayer and strength that I didn’t even know existed in him.  He prayed over me and encouraged me.  Since then, I can feel God slowly shaping my heart in order to be filled with love for this little guy I haven’t met yet.  Again, I’m being reminded that God is so involved in this whole process and probably more importantly, that I can completely trust Him with my fears and my heart.

We see the midwife Wednesday morning (!) and will know a little more about how close I am to actually going into labor.  This morning I had some back pain as well as slight contacting so who knows….maybe my next post will be of a picture of a very handsome little baby boy.


5 thoughts on “Every Story Is Different

  1. Awww, so exciting! I will say that I barely even believed we were getting an actual real baby at the end of pregnancy 🙂 and certainly didn’t feel super connected; it just all felt so hypothetical. Rob and I would joke about the “alleged” baby sometimes. For me, it was those first hours after birth (lots of skin-to-skin contact, nursing, finally SEEING the baby, etc) that really cemented the love and bonding and feelings of the whole thing for me.

  2. I have those same worries about whenever we try to have a kid in the future,… I’ve never been the girl who goes running, squealing to people with babies asking “can I hold him? Pretty please?” I think they’re cute, but other than that, I’m kind of apathetic, and squeamish about the whole idea. People assure me that when it’s “MY” child, I will feel entirely different. Maybe so. So maybe that will happen for you, once he’s in your arms. I think you’re normal, so I think the feelings you’re worried about are normal too, because I’d probably feel the same way! 🙂

  3. I would say the same thing as Julia. 🙂 I didn’t really feel “in love” with Gideon till he was born and all the hormonal responses to seeing him and being around him helped with that. Also, it was(and still is) hard for me to not feel like I was missing out on something by not having a decked out baby room for him, or certain toys, baby gear, memory books, etc! Cale keeps me grounded in those things while I also have to stop and ask myself what is realistic and special to OUR family. I think I finally realized the ways I’ll impact Gideon the most is through prayer, nurturing and loving him, being an example of a woman who serves God and her husband and others, and using the specific gifts I’ve been given to bless him with. You will be an absolutely wonderful mother and I am so happy you are surrounded with such a strong support system to encourage you and bounce feedback off of through such a tender time! Love ya.

  4. Thanks for your encouragement ladies! I’m learning so much by listening to you moms out there….and for those of you that do not have kids yet, it’s nice to know I’m not alone. 🙂

  5. I didn’t love my first one right away, not even after seeing her. It didn’t make any sense to me, and it took weeks; then it hit me, and I realized I have never loved anyone SO MUCH. It’s as if the heart opened a new chamber for the first time, and it was reserved for the love of children. Then when the 2nd one was coming, I felt sad, because I thought there would not be enough love to go around. And then she was born, and I saw my heart grow even bigger. This is when I learned about the capacity to love– it is actually endless! What a discovery, one I would not have made if I had not had the greatest gift in the world, my sweet children.

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